Porn Isn't Sex Education

Being an educated lover requires bravery and courage.

 When speaking of sex, we like to pretend that we know exactly what we are doing. I mean, why not? We have watched plenty of porn. That is what sex is, right? One of the fallacies that porn creates is that size and how long you can last, is indicative of being a great lover. This falsehood is running rampant in the minds of men and women, especially young men and women. When Claire and I watch porn together, it is a precursor to sex. It can turn us on. It can allow us to fantasize together. It can create a shock factor that we think is sexy. It can give us ideas of things that we would like to try, but… what we watch on the screen is NOT what sex looks like for us. Porn is merely a visual stimulus that helps get us in the mood. In our bedroom there are no bright lights, penis injections, set crews, fluffers, or stopping and starting for different photo opps. There is no pounding for hours, fake moans, or fake orgasms. There is only us, embraced in erotic passion, lost in a time without worry.

Vulnerability is sexy

So, if there is more to sex than size and pounding for a specific amount of time, what is that more? It begins with being vulnerable. Realizing that you don't know everything. Entering every session with a beginner's mind, and having the bravery and courage to communicate with your partner, and ask what they want during the session. Communication is the sexiest piece of sex. Open communication leads to fulfillment for both partners. When you enter sex with a beginner’s mind, sex is FUN! Yes , you might fumble, you may giggle, you might even get discouraged, but keep playing! Trust in your partner is sexy, and when playing together you learn each other intimately. Isn’t that the point of good sex?

Stop thinking and feel!

Get out of your brain and into your body. Stop thinking that you know. Stop pretending that you have it all figured out, because I can guarantee you that what your partner desired yesterday, may very well have changed today. If you don't ask, you don't know. And, if you don't know, you might miss out on some serious fun. Be comfortable in exploring each other’s bodies. Don't be scared of what you don't know. Nothing about sex is gross. Get all of those thoughts out of your mind, and explore, explore, explore!

Sex isn't about size and how long you can last. It’s not about what is portrayed in porn. Sex is about creating, learning, communicating, being vulnerable, and exploring. When you change your mindset, you change your life. Sex becomes a journey, not a monotonous exchange that is designed to be boring. Give yourself the opportunity for great sex by embracing vulnerability, communication, and exploration!