It’s OK…Literally NO ONE Knows What They’re Doing
One of my biggest faults is Analysis Paralysis. Have you heard of that? It’s the inability to make a decision due to overthinking a problem. When I am presented with an obstacle or a choice to make, with either a positive or negative connotation, I overthink the options to such a degree that I do nothing, go nowhere, accomplish zero. I convince myself that I am completely ill prepared to embark on (fill in the blank) and I must research every option because I don’t know what I’m doing. I am learning that this is likely a trauma response to not feeling safe in my body and in my emotions as a child, and resulted in me becoming a people pleaser and terrified to make a mistake. So, how does this apply to being an educated lover? Keep reading…
Analysis Paralysis = Missed Opportunities
When I reach out to touch Josh in any way, the question “Does he like what I am doing?” is always in my mind. It could be the way I caress his arm while we watch TV, the pressure I am using during oral sex, or the new position I’m trying out during penetrative sex. Does he like it? Does he hate it? Should I stop? Should I try something different? Questions, questions, questions, and what I know now (because I’ve asked him…what a concept! Communication!) is that he’s mostly thinking, “She’s touching me…life is GOOD!” Ultimately, my analysis of the situation was mostly unnecessary because he just loves to be touched, and our practice of open communication has created a safe space for me to jump in without needing to overthink the process. How many times have you stopped yourself from connecting to your partner because you are afraid you won’t get it EXACTLY right? And then, as the worst possible outcome, the opportunity to connect is missed completely, and the pattern to become paralyzed in analysis gains a stronger foothold. The solution: reach out and touch someone. Not sure what your partner wants? Ask them, then fake it til you make it!
I’m Not a Therapist or a Sex Educator, but I Have Been Starved of Connection, and It Is From That Place I Reach Out to You Now.
I realize in this short piece that I am making this sound *so* easy. I acknowledge that it is not easy. Finding the safety in my body to become vulnerable in my relationships has been a journey of a lifetime, and it is far from over. I have been to therapy, become a regular practitioner of yoga, utilize breathwork to down regulate my nervous system, and found my life partner in whom I can put my full love and trust. I have found these things in middle age and not in my troubled youth, and so I know it is never too late to begin the quest of self healing. Start today. Start now. Fake it til you make it…because none of us knows what the hell we’re doing anyway.
Bình luận